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Monday, December 5, 2011

The journey of being pregnant after a loss

The journey of this pregnancy...

 (I'm not complaining about be pregnant I just want to remember that this is what  I went through with this little one)

The first trimester:
I was sick... not just occasionally sick.  I mean I had morning sickness everyday... I lost 10 pounds during the first trimester.  I was worried about miscarrying this little one.  Even though when we went to the Perinatolgist the first time and saw the Perfect Round Cell sack that they called a diamond pregnancy and looked perfectly healthy.  I was still worried.  I do remember getting to hear the babies heartbeat the first time and the little swish swish sound our little peanut was making.  It is one of the greatest sounds to hear.

The second trimester:
Is almost over?!  I can't believe that the 2nd trimester is almost over.  I still have morning sickness but not as much.  There is usually one day out of the week that I'm just nauseous and don't have any energy.  We got to do find out that we were having a girl and I cried when we found out we were having a girl.  I did prepare myself for a boy but it just didn't feel right and that is why last second before we went into the fetal studio I told hubby we were having a girl.  I am so excited to meet this little girl and hear her cry for the first time and everything that comes with having a baby.

I wanted to right about my emotional health this pregnancy...  The first trimester I was in shock we were going to be having another baby!  The second trimester has been good... but I'm now a little worried mommy.  I have been fighting this for awhile...  My fear is loosing this little girl also.  It is hard not to worry about it but it is there.  I love feeling her kick get the hiccups and do the little dances she is doing in my tummy.  I soak in every single one because it is truly a miracle that I get to feel this and create a bond with this little girl before she is here.  She is with me 24/7 I can't say here honey you take her for a moment so that I can get some sleep.  I love that I can talk to her and sing to her and know that she is just listening to my heartbeat when I'm silent.  Than this is when the fear kicks in that I may loose the chance again of seeing her breathe.  It comforts me that I have a doctor and also a Perinatologist.  I'm so excited that instead of just one ultrasound for this pregnancy I will have a total of three and the second one is coming up and we will get to see how our little girl is developing.  I'm excited that next month we will start going to the doctor appointments more and that we will be able to do non-stress tests for her.  I'm not a complete wreck worrying about this all the time.  I just think about it sometimes... it is just exactly as the doctor said the first appointment... The doctor told me this pregnancy will work out he asked if I knew it and I just said okay.  My doctor than said I understand your not going to feel safe until you see that first breath of air.  Which is very true and until that day I will be a worried mommy and than after that day I'm still going to be a worried mommy but for a good reason. 

3 well wishes:

Brandy_Webb

so true...its so hard not to worry all the time. i didnt have to go as far as you did...so i cant imagine how hard it must of been. you just have to have faith, that this babygirl belongs on earth with you. i have to remind myself everyday of that. best wishes of not worrying....i dont as much anymore, but it comes from time to time.

Wendy Williams

Good luck and hang in there. It is really hard. I had a stillborn baby and was pregnant again right away afterwards, and it was so very difficult to relax and enjoy. You can do it though. :) My favorite part of being pregnant was feeling the baby move. something shared between only baby and me.

Brittany

Hey! I gave you an award today on my blog! :)

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